Adapting to changing family dynamics

How family members related to each other used to be simple. They spent time together around the dinner table, in front of the television, or playing in the backyard. But the modern world has changed family dynamics. That can cause challenges and conflicts.

Technology has brought many families closer. Through video chat, grandparents at the other end of the country can see their grandchildren grow up. Relatives around the world can share photos, videos, and information through social media. Busy parents and kids keep track of each other via text messages.

Technology can also divide families. Online gaming, shopping, news, music, movies, and messaging have replaced family time. Each family member is now focused on a different activity on a different device in a different room. Many working parents spend their evenings responding to emails and phone calls rather than spending time with their children. The children are instead talking to friends online or playing video games. Even though smartphones let parents know where their kids are, they often have no idea what their kids are doing online.

Keeping family ties strong

If you and your partner are finding it difficult to create and maintain strong
family bonds in this digital age, try the following:

• Don’t overschedule. Book “do nothing” time with your family. Put it on your calendar. This way, the family can take a break from responsibilities and relax together.

• Eat together. If it’s too difficult to coordinate everyone’s schedule, try a regular family meal. For example, have dinner every Sunday or brunch every Saturday.

• Play together.

• Go for a walk or hike. Start by taking a short walk together every evening. If you have a dog, walk it every day as a family.

• Play a sport. Tennis, golf, and bowling are all activities families can enjoy. Getting involved with sports also helps improve everyone’s fitness.

• Have a family game night. Turn off the computers, TVs, smartphones, and video games. Get out those old board games. Introduce your children to the games you enjoyed when you were young.

• Take up a family hobby such as scrap-booking, bird watching or gardening.

• Visit the museum or planetarium.

• Bake. Even young children enjoy helping bake a cake or cookies. It’s also a great way for them to learn and practise reading, measuring, and cooperating.

• Take a trip. If you don’t have the time or resources for camping, pitch a tent in the backyard. Or pack a picnic and go to the park or countryside.

• Volunteer. Find something everyone is passionate about, then volunteer as a family. For example, if your children love animals, volunteer at the local animal shelter. Or teach your children the importance of citizenship and volunteer at a local food bank.

• Invest in each relationship. Every relationship needs nurturing. Have a regular date night with your partner. Spend one-on-one time with each of your children. Have your partner do the same.

• If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. If your child is an avid video-game player, ask them to teach you how to play their favourite game. See if you can play together. If this is an online game, you can also get to know the online community and any potential dangers.

• Tackle projects. Clean out the basement, have a garage sale, paint the spare room or create a flower garden. Working together can also provide great learning opportunities for the younger members of the family.

• Develop new family traditions and rituals. Family traditions create a sense of cohesiveness. They can help define your family. Traditions can centre on holidays, ethnicity, cultural or religious practices, and life events. Or make up your own. You can have bedtime rituals, weekend traditions, etc.

“Focus on each other. During family time, turn off all smartphones and other devices — especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or family gatherings.”